If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
