I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
