she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
