i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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