You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
