What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
