you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
