are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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