my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Found the puke drawer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize