Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
someone owes me an orgasm
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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