Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
