You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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