I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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