is your mom at the bar?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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