I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
how do you play pong handcuffed?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
