I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
