My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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