you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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