he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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