for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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