I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She told me I should be a condom model.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
