my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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