I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
