he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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