I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
