BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize