And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
