I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just high enough for therapy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
