I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
