it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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