i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
