my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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