I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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