the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
