people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
