Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
