I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
