How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
