I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
