four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
