My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
