dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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