somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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