Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
