I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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