Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
