Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
