As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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