the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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