So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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