Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
