none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
