She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
