I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
