I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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