just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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