my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
