She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
