I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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