You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
