she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
