I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
where does the pee come out of this thing
The best revenge is premature balding
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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