I smell stomach acid.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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