I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
