I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
