you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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