apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
