and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
