Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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