I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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