Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
