and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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